Most years Gab has a red bow of some sort for Christmas... the last few years she has been sadly lacking adornment since we haven't been together... I've been off galavanting in Sweden with my now husband and inlaws. Last year Gab spent Christmas with my dear friend Emily (thanks Em!). This year I am.. yet again... in Sweden.. but this time I've got the Rue with me, and that makes all the difference. That doogen makes my life worthwhile.
Sometimes I wonder about Christmas... I have always been a big fan of a holiday dedicated towards celebrating family and forgivness and love. I was that totally annoying person who started bellowing "Chestunts Roasting on an Open Fire" in late October and insisted that all my collage friends help me decorate the small potted tree I named Victoria. I even had a ghastly plastic felt bow on the front of Ducky, my izuzu pup truck.
Over the last few years though, I've stopped singing, stopped baking and buying presents.. and pretty much stopped feeling that Christmassy glow. This year I tried to russtle up some spirit.. this pic captures a moment when I was totally sucessful. Hugging my Christmas dog and listening to carols was a happy and cozy day.
Now, however, I have pretty much ruined the whole holiday. Peter and I had a fight yesterday and I demanded that he open his present weeks early.. he loved it, as I knew he would.. and we eneded the discussion by deciding that we'd just do stockings. I've been a bit down all year and we were supposed to re-light the magic with a rosy, cozy Christmas together in our first home. That's a bit hard with a shaky marraige, finances and health though. I guess for me Christmas is about love and family... and I've been feeling short on both.
However, I am determined to at least go through the motions. I will ooohh and aaahh over my stocking. I will make scrambled eggs and bakon for breakfast just as my grandpa always does on Christmas morning. I will decorate my tree and set out the poinsetta's I bought yesterday. I'll even bake and listen to carols with my nice new friend from the barn this weekend. And I'll hug my beloved Christmas dog until I squish out the empty, lonely little spot in my heart which is hurting.
All I want for Christmas is you Gabby Berry.
This morning I finally got around to cleaning... well... sort of. At least I got the living room tidied and vacuumed ... It is so much more cozy and Christmassy now :) I also had an email from a friend of mine who always makes me smile and inspires me. I got to thinking what a contentented and settled person she has become over the last few years... and I wanted to be the same. As I look at this slightly fuzzy picture, I realize that all I have to do is take one day at a time and slowly paint the life I want. I used to knit pretty regularly, but I have gotten out of the habit. I am going to start again.. I'm, just going to start enjoying my life.. starting right now. Peter has just gotten home from the grocery store and we're going to make french toast. There are christmas carols playing.. and Peter and Gabby are howling excruciatingly together at the front door in greeting. Then I am going to finish cleaning and go see Guster and maybe read or knit a bit tonight. I have a friend coming over to bake.. and that should be really fun. So... wish me luck.. I'm off to paint my life in Christmas colours!
