At least once a week my world come crumbling down around me. I feel like a little kid who has peed its pants and is now standing in their pee with their pants around their ankles wondering what to do about it.
There are so many people in this world who I love and feel close to, but right now I can't talk to any of them... I feel like I'm in a glass baloon or bubble or something and like the air is slowly going stale, and the volume of the baloon is slowly decreasing until it will surely fit around my body and lungs like a stocking and ultimately suffocate me... the end seems inevitable.
I just keep hoping to put it off long enough to save something.. some scrap of dignity... till I can speak the language of the country where I live.. where my books and my pets live... till I have landed in a situation I can control.
You.. the nothing and noone.. or everything and everyone.. if you hear me... bah.. leave me the fuck alone to feel my wretchedness... and fatness.. in peace.
How the hell did I get here? How did the things I used to love become a weight I have to bare? How can the happiness have seeped out of my life? I'm only 25 years old for fucks sake.. and my dreams seem to be sitting around my ankles, recently pissed on..
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